PERSPIRATION?

 

Before cancer, I was never an excessive sweater, but I definitely had my moments of "pitting" out.  I tried just about every deodorant under the sun.  One even came at the recommendation of my Best Friend's Wedding planner...and I wasn't the only Bridesmaid that took note! 

Then I got Breast Cancer. As I mentioned before, I had a bilateral mastectomy. During that surgery, I had 23 lymph nodes taken from my left side and 5 from my right.  Between the surgery, 8 rounds of chemotherapy and 25 radiation treatments and early purposeful menopause, I have a happy side effect.

Yes, I said HAPPY side effect!

I rarely sweat under my arms! 

Can you believe it? I can't! I am not sure exactly what caused it or how long it will last (It's been 18 months and counting) but I'll take it!  I also don't have to shave under there except for the rare occasion I notice some straggly hairs!  

For awhile I didn't even bother with deodorant...then one day after a few days of not showering, I did notice a little body odor, so I looked long and hard for what to use, just as insurance that I wouldn't offend anyone.

My solution...Arbonne (yup!) Pure Mint Deodorant!  
Stay cool and collected with their aluminum free, paraben free deodorant infused with spearmint, mint and antioxidants from white tea, lemongrass, sage and tea tree extracts. The unique odor fighting formula with baking soda and vegetable enzymes helps me feel fresh all day.

Today, I just wanted to spread a little Happy!

P.E.T. = N.E.D.

I had my PET Scan earlier this week, it was actually relaxing believe it or not.

Why?

I went in with the belief that this scan would prove my Oncologist right.  She told me I didn't need a PET Scan unless I was symptomatic. She said the bilateral mastectomy removed my cancer and the other treatments killed any rogue cancer cells. Not to mention I have the good fortune of having cancer that was fueled by estrogen, so I can take other preventative measures to block the estrogen to prevent recurrence.

I knew there was a chance that the test could cause a false positive.  Meaning something would show up (Spot somewhere) that they would then have to action upon, i.e. biopsy etc. It has been known to cause more stress.  I told myself that should something come back, I would not allow myself to think "what if", but just let them do further testing.

I was told it would take 24-48 hours for the results to come in. I did my best to keep busy, just to keep my mind off waiting to hear the results.

Today, I got what I think anyone who has gone through cancer wants to hear..."No Evidence of Disease."  While I was previously told that due to all my treatment, it was believed that there was no disease left, I NEEDED the PET Scan to take a hard look at my insides and give me the concrete "All Clear".  

So, today (about a year out from my last treatment) we celebrate knowing that as of right now, I am 100% disease free.  

Positron Emission Tomography = No Evidence of Disease

To Test or not to Test...

I think every Cancer survivor wants insurance, insurance that you are indeed 100 % healthy.  I know I do.

I was told from the moment they took the cancer from my body, I was cancer free. That is a hard concept for me to swallow, even now 20 months Cancer Free since my bilateral mastectomy.

Really?

Then why did I have to endure eight toxic chemotherapy treatments? Four, so toxic that the nurse injecting it into my veins had to wear a mask and smock, as the red koolaide colored medicine can burn the skin with even a drop! Followed by 25 daily radiation treatments, with only the weekend as my respite to heal, watching my delicate skin start to burn, blister and peel.

Why? Because my cancer did escape into my lymph nodes. Those treatments were to kill any of the cancer dust that might be floating around the rest of my body.

For the past year, I have undergone monthly injections keeping my ovaries suppressed while also taking a daily pill that keeps my estrogen from happening. All this to keep my estrogen fed cancer from coming back.

So all signs point to being cancer free, I have had it removed, had preventative treatments, and am ongoing with hormone therapy to keep from having a recurrence.
 
Some days, this long treatment list makes sense to me. I can rationalize that I am cancer free.  Then I get a pain that won't go away instantly, or an extra creak in my rapidly aging body, or my memory isn't what it used to be and I can't help but jump immediately to a recurrence in a distant part of my body...my bones or my brain. This feeling is heightened when I hear of friends newly diagnosed or someone with a similar case/treatment as mine coming down with a recurrence. The fear can be down right debilitating.

I know no one is guaranteed anything in this life. I also know that I am more lucky than a lot of people (sick or not sick). I am being looked after by a great team of doctors and specialists. Their solid word based on years of experience and collaboration with colleagues should be enough for me. It isn't.

PET Scans are not typically ordered/advised for woman in my line of treatment because it could cause false positives, it can't see cancer dust, and over time it hasn't been deemed necessary unless there are symptoms.

All things considered, I don't feel symptomatic, then again I didn't feel symptomatic when I was diagnosed with stage 2b breast cancer. The main tumor was 4.8 cm with a much larger vertical span (11 cm) of cancer from about my chest wall all the way through my nipple.

A PET scan will provide me a little piece of mind, even if I have to endure some false positives, it will provide a glimpse into the depths of my body on that day and show me that for that moment, all is well.

My body, my decision.

At Risk....

I think the only fear that runs a little more rampant than that of a recurrence is the risk of developing Lymphedema.  You see, when they take out a majority of your lymph nodes under your arm...the lymphatic fluid has less nodes to filter through your arm pit and can potentially build up in your arm.

Since surgery, my right arm (which had 5 lymph nodes removed) has felt practically normal. My left arm (which had 23 lymph nodes removed) has felt anything but normal. I struggled right after my mastectomy to get my left arm even to 90 degrees.  With exercises that I am supposed to do once or twice daily and many sessions of physical therapy I now have pretty good range of motion, but it is still limited when reaching over head, or out to the side.  I know what I have to do daily to keep what I have, but frankly, some days I don't want to. I want to be the girl that didn't have breast cancer. I want to be the Mom that doesn't have a rapidly aging body, as I am being forced into the body of 60 year old with the medicines I am taking. All this to keep the cancer from coming back.

So I live with the fear of Lymphedema.  Once you get it, you can't get ride of it, you can only manage it.  I self diagnosis myself quite often.  My left arm will feel heavy, tingly and my wedding ring won't fit quite right. It MUST be Lymphedema. I miss being under the watchful eye of several medical professionals on a regular basis.  Now my appts. are months apart and are limited to catching up and celebrating my progress. Don't get me wrong, I am amazed, thankful and happy to be where I am today, but it's hard not to remember that cancer has entered our life.  Daily I have to do my exercises (and there are some days I say "screw it" and I don't...but my body reminds me it must be done) and I do manual lymph drainage in my arm to keep lymphedema at bay.

This past August I felt a lot of symptoms of lymhedeema that they ask you to look out for (heavy arm, tingling, swelling, etc.)...I called my oncologist and got on the schedule for the lymphedema therapist at MSKCC. Today was my appointment. I waited as she carefully measured both of my arms and compared them to where I was a year ago. The good news, both arms are smaller than they were. My left arm is still larger than my right, but not in the range of where active Lymphedema is diagnosed. So today, I breathe a sigh of relief that the bits I am doing are working...it motivates me to keep it up and maybe even step it up. Over the next six weeks, she will continue to monitor my arm as she works with my range of motion and all the scare tissue in my breast.

I am grateful for the gentle watchful eye of the great team at MSKCC.

Day One...of my Umpteenth New Blog!

Hi, My Name is Abra and I am a Breast Cancer Survivor. 

Just staring at these words on the page, I am taken aback, ME? A Breast Cancer Survivor? Did it really happen?  


You see this morning, in the shower, for the first time since my diagnosis in December of 2014, I actually missed my old BooBs. It's been almost two years, but I think my mind is finally letting it settle in, this was real.


After my very first ever mammogram (Dec 1, 2014) it was a flurry of appointments: a follow up mammogram, an ultrasound, a biopsy, the waiting to hear the diagnosis, Breast Cancer, followed by more frantic phone calls, new doctor appointments, CHRISTMAS (can't omit the one happy time in the midst of all the chaos), finally meeting our thought partner in fighting cancer, followed by more mammograms, ultrasounds, MRI's, and biopsies. It left my two ladies battered and bruised; a large hematoma happened during one of my last biopsies and encompassed my whole left breast. I couldn't WAIT for them to take them off, they had become Toxic to me.

Over the early months of 2015, I watched my body undergo all the changes that come with a bilateral (double) mastectomy, tissue expanders, complications, and radiation. Never once did I miss the boobs I was born with, I was fighting to live. However, today in the shower, I noticeably missed the jiggle of those long lost ladies. In their place are mounds, much tougher to the feel and with no sway in there movement. As I began to take stock of all that has really happened to not only me, but my family in this past year, I was moved to tears. Instead of allowing myself to cry, although I did let a few tears escape, I was motivated for the first time in a long time to write. So, for the umpteenth time I am committing to write...while it might not be every day and might not always be about my two boobs...it will be about my life after my breast cancer diagnosis. So follow along with the ups and downs...it's guaranteed to make you smile, at least once!