To Test or not to Test...

I think every Cancer survivor wants insurance, insurance that you are indeed 100 % healthy.  I know I do.

I was told from the moment they took the cancer from my body, I was cancer free. That is a hard concept for me to swallow, even now 20 months Cancer Free since my bilateral mastectomy.

Really?

Then why did I have to endure eight toxic chemotherapy treatments? Four, so toxic that the nurse injecting it into my veins had to wear a mask and smock, as the red koolaide colored medicine can burn the skin with even a drop! Followed by 25 daily radiation treatments, with only the weekend as my respite to heal, watching my delicate skin start to burn, blister and peel.

Why? Because my cancer did escape into my lymph nodes. Those treatments were to kill any of the cancer dust that might be floating around the rest of my body.

For the past year, I have undergone monthly injections keeping my ovaries suppressed while also taking a daily pill that keeps my estrogen from happening. All this to keep my estrogen fed cancer from coming back.

So all signs point to being cancer free, I have had it removed, had preventative treatments, and am ongoing with hormone therapy to keep from having a recurrence.
 
Some days, this long treatment list makes sense to me. I can rationalize that I am cancer free.  Then I get a pain that won't go away instantly, or an extra creak in my rapidly aging body, or my memory isn't what it used to be and I can't help but jump immediately to a recurrence in a distant part of my body...my bones or my brain. This feeling is heightened when I hear of friends newly diagnosed or someone with a similar case/treatment as mine coming down with a recurrence. The fear can be down right debilitating.

I know no one is guaranteed anything in this life. I also know that I am more lucky than a lot of people (sick or not sick). I am being looked after by a great team of doctors and specialists. Their solid word based on years of experience and collaboration with colleagues should be enough for me. It isn't.

PET Scans are not typically ordered/advised for woman in my line of treatment because it could cause false positives, it can't see cancer dust, and over time it hasn't been deemed necessary unless there are symptoms.

All things considered, I don't feel symptomatic, then again I didn't feel symptomatic when I was diagnosed with stage 2b breast cancer. The main tumor was 4.8 cm with a much larger vertical span (11 cm) of cancer from about my chest wall all the way through my nipple.

A PET scan will provide me a little piece of mind, even if I have to endure some false positives, it will provide a glimpse into the depths of my body on that day and show me that for that moment, all is well.

My body, my decision.