At Risk....

I think the only fear that runs a little more rampant than that of a recurrence is the risk of developing Lymphedema.  You see, when they take out a majority of your lymph nodes under your arm...the lymphatic fluid has less nodes to filter through your arm pit and can potentially build up in your arm.

Since surgery, my right arm (which had 5 lymph nodes removed) has felt practically normal. My left arm (which had 23 lymph nodes removed) has felt anything but normal. I struggled right after my mastectomy to get my left arm even to 90 degrees.  With exercises that I am supposed to do once or twice daily and many sessions of physical therapy I now have pretty good range of motion, but it is still limited when reaching over head, or out to the side.  I know what I have to do daily to keep what I have, but frankly, some days I don't want to. I want to be the girl that didn't have breast cancer. I want to be the Mom that doesn't have a rapidly aging body, as I am being forced into the body of 60 year old with the medicines I am taking. All this to keep the cancer from coming back.

So I live with the fear of Lymphedema.  Once you get it, you can't get ride of it, you can only manage it.  I self diagnosis myself quite often.  My left arm will feel heavy, tingly and my wedding ring won't fit quite right. It MUST be Lymphedema. I miss being under the watchful eye of several medical professionals on a regular basis.  Now my appts. are months apart and are limited to catching up and celebrating my progress. Don't get me wrong, I am amazed, thankful and happy to be where I am today, but it's hard not to remember that cancer has entered our life.  Daily I have to do my exercises (and there are some days I say "screw it" and I don't...but my body reminds me it must be done) and I do manual lymph drainage in my arm to keep lymphedema at bay.

This past August I felt a lot of symptoms of lymhedeema that they ask you to look out for (heavy arm, tingling, swelling, etc.)...I called my oncologist and got on the schedule for the lymphedema therapist at MSKCC. Today was my appointment. I waited as she carefully measured both of my arms and compared them to where I was a year ago. The good news, both arms are smaller than they were. My left arm is still larger than my right, but not in the range of where active Lymphedema is diagnosed. So today, I breathe a sigh of relief that the bits I am doing are working...it motivates me to keep it up and maybe even step it up. Over the next six weeks, she will continue to monitor my arm as she works with my range of motion and all the scare tissue in my breast.

I am grateful for the gentle watchful eye of the great team at MSKCC.